GI Joe: Rise of Cobra

There are two reasons why I wanted to watch this film. First: The second one is on Netflix and it doesn't really make sense for me to watch that one without seeing the first one. Secondly, I wanted to watch an action movie with futuristic weapons like Call ofDuty Black Ops 2. What can I say, I'm kind of in that mood.

To this day, it amazes me that they made a movie about GI Joe. And I'm still a little confused on what drove them to do such a thing. Unfortunately, the answer isn't that GI Joe is a great source for original and interesting material. Instead this movie is made for the very purpose the original toys were made for, to sell toys.

GI Joe Rise of Cobra follows the story of two special forces... guys by the nick names of Duke and Ripchord. I guess they have real names but they never use them so why should I? They're played by Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans. This was pre-JumpStreet so Channing Tatum is not cool yet, but well post-Requiem for a Dream so Wayans was not quite as popular anymore.

These two are assigned to protect a specialized weapon that just eat away at metal, created by the 8th Doctor himself Christopher Eccelston.

But their convoy is attacked and the weapons are almost taken but a group of high tech warriors intervene and save Duke and Ripchord.

These are the GI Joes. There's no different name for them, they're just the GI Joes. They're a multinational task force that officially doesn't exist that is brought in only for the most important missions. They save Tatum and Wayan's lives and prevent the weapon from being taken.

Tatum says he really wants to be apart of the team and in order to get in, he blackmails them with information about their assailants who happen to be his former fiance (played by Sienna Miller)

The rest of the movie is pretty straight forward.

The 8th Doctor turns out to be evil, trying to destroy civilization by selling weapons to both sides, the GI Joes try to stop him and Cobra... or the MARS corporation? I guess.

Along the way there's the story Tatum and Miller and why every god damn time he has a shot, he can't take it. There's the story of Snake Eyes (played by Darth Maul, Ray Parks) and his relationship to his bad guy counterpart Storm Shadow. All the while introducing characters like General Hawk (played by Dennis Quaid... Sorry that's hilarious, i'm still laughing about that one) Cobra Commander, and others.

The funny part about this movie is that I've been naming off all these funny names like Storm Shadow, General Hawk, Snake Eyes, and you'd think these were just named for the toys... no they actually call someone Snake Eyes. There's a point where you meet a scientist named Doctor Mindbender!

And that's the part of the movie that is actually kind of disappointing for me. The movie is rated PG-13. Now its not that I was looking for an R rated GI Joe movie, that would just be silly, but the movie could have been more serious.

I mean I knew what I was getting into the minute they introduced Marlon Wayans. Unfortunately, he's the stereotypical funny black partner.

They've got the training montage, they've got the corny bad guys who are just bad for being bad. It didn't feel like I was watching a live action adaptation of the films, it felt like I was watching a live action version of the cartoon.

To be fair, I never watched the cartoons. But I don't have to watch them to know that the cartoons are going to be cheesy. Unfortunately, GI Joe falls under the category of source material based off toys. Transformers was victim to the same thing but at least they could have more fun with it and not have it look silly, cause they're robots.

GI Joe I think is a little bit different. This did not feel like a PG-13 movie, with the exception of I guess a little bit more "mature" violence and a couple of "shits" and "dammits" thrown in there, this movie felt like it was PG.

Its hard for me to say, GI Joe should have been more serious... Its GI freaking Joe. But what was the point of the movie? To sell toys? The majority of kids they saw this didn't know that GI Joe was a thing, and everyone who knew GI Joe was a thing didn't recognize it from this movie because everyone is in tight leather and in mechanized suits.

All I'm saying is that there was a possibility with this movie that they missed. By making it all campy, its in a weird position of being just there. Smart parents can't bring their kids to it, and people like me who know what GI Joe is, think its too campy and don't want to go see it.

And I don't think I'm the only one who thinks this.

In the end this just reminded me of a kids live action version of Team America World Police.

When Tatum and Wayan go to the GI Joe base, it just reminded me of the scene where they bring Gary into the headquarters. They introduce every member of the team and they're own perks and specialities. I was half expecting one of them to be a psychic.

But I've been saying a lot of bad things about the movie, what are some good things?

Well... the action is alright. Dennis Quaid gave me a real good laugh every time he was on screen on how bad he was. I think I would have enjoyed the movie a lot more if I had been drunk. Just to be nice, I'll put that as a perk.

Oh by the way, did you know Joseph Gordon Levitt is in this film? Yeah... that was funny.

This movie kind of reminded me of when I watched the Fantastic Four.

That movie was out to make a straight up comic book movie. Not an adaptation like good comic book movies do now, a comic book movie. Look at Thor, Iron Man, Man of Steel. Thor and Iron Man, and any of the Avengers movies know that they are silly topics but with a combination of taking themselves seriously enough to give a good story but making fun of themselves enough to relate to the audience, those movies work. Man of Steel on the other hand turns a comic book into an epic, taking itself so seriously that you have to take it seriously too.

Fantastic Four, the first Spiderman Trilogy, and GI Joe do a style that is growing less and less popular. They do it as if they are just taking it right out of a comic book or a cartoon. Its campy, its cheesy and slowly and slowly, its not working as well.

I almost went off on a rant about the first Sam Rami Spider Man film but I'll save that rant for a Spider Man review, coming soon.

My point is, GI Joe Rise of Cobra came at the end of an era where that campy cartoony feeling doesn't sell anymore. In fact by 2009, that style was pretty much killed by The Fantastic Four 2 and Spider Man 3. That's why those franchises died. Strangely enough. GI Joe did not. But I'll get into that in my GI Joe: Retaliation review which I am watching right now.

The verdict, GI Joe Rise of Cobra really isn't that good not exactly finding the balance between campyness and serious action that needs to be taken seriously.

Its a fun time if you don't have any expectations of the movie being good but its not really one you absolutely need to see. It took me five years to see it and I really didn't miss anything.

Have you seen GI Joe Rise of Cobra? What did you think of it. Leave your comments and thoughts below and get ready for my Retaliation review soon. If not tonight, tomorrow.

I'll leave you with this. Its an oldie but a goodie. There used to be a bunch of GI Joe public service announcements. Because there are wonderful people on the internet, they took those PSAs and dubbed them. Some are funny, some aren't. If you haven't seen these before, you've kind of missed out on something important in the internet. Enjoy!