Machete Kills

You ever had one of those movies that you don't think too much of right after, but then you realize how stupid it was the more you think about it. Machete Kills is that exact movie. I just finished it and it almost hurts to think about. I don't usually say that I wasted time watching a movie... but I wasted time watching Machete Kills.

Before you say it, I know this movie isn't meant to be taken seriously. I mean its a movie where a woman has mini guns firing from her tits... how serious can you get with that?

Speaking of which, how often do you get to say you got to see Sofia Vergara and Alexa Vega (that chick from Spy Kids) dressed as gun totting prostitutes. That was the one part I was very happy about when it came to this movie.

But Machete Kills follows the story of Machete, a secret agent or something who is hired by the President to kill a leader of a drug cartel. The Drug leader has a bomb aimed at Washington DC and there's only one man who can disarm it. Its Machete's job to find a way to defuse the bomb, kill the bad guys, and save the world. I have to give the movie credit. For simplifying plots, they do a good job.

This movie however just reminds me of a really well made home video.

Its like Robert Rodriguez got all his celebrity friends together and said, "Guys! My mom just bought me all this cool shit, let's make an awesome action movie with it!" But instead of writing something actually good, this is something a horny teenager would write.

"And then Machete totally killed like 5 guys. And his handler/ Miss Texas (played by Amber Heard) was like, 'C'mon Machete, do me!'"

Its a little bit of an exaggeration but its not far off.

It is kind of funny the persona Danny Trejo has built for himself and its kind of funny to put him as the main protagonist but after the first 30 minutes, I was sick of Danny Trejo. Its a good joke for about 5 minutes.

Now I've never seen any of the Grindhouse movies or basically anything that Robert Rodriguez has done, besides Spy Kids. I understand there's probably a certain style he's going for and some people may like it, but for me, its just annoying. I've read more into it and its a genre of film that's called exploitation films, films that just exploit popular trends like sex, blood, gore, violence, all that good stuff that we as humans, in the primitive parts of our minds enjoy for some reason.

I don't know if you've ever seen this trailer before.