Why do I hate Once Upon a Time (And yet keep watching it?)

I really do like this poster though

Aaaaaaand... we're back to this. 

Maybe it was watching Into the Woods, maybe it was the mood I was in, but somehow I ended up back here, watching this show that continues to be a weird combination of just down right awful, but also intriguing. Having something that continues to keep bringing me back despite all the complaints I talked about back in my review of Season 1.

The acting is still shitty, the effects are still shitty, the story is even more muddled then before, and above all,

These two are not dead yet. 

But let's talk about story real quick.

Season 2 really starts up where Season 1 ended. Emma breaks the curse, and everyone in Storybrooke can remember who they are again. Not only that, but magic has come to Storybrooke... sorta. 

At first its really confusing because they say, magic is complicated here... until its not. Regina tries to use magic in the beginning but can't, but Rumplestiltstkin can... until later when she can use all the magic she wants. Magic only comes when it becomes convenient for the storyline and when the writers probably realized it will be a lot more interesting if there is magic in the real world. 

But hey! Everyone knows who they are and they know that they're under a curse put on by Regina. This has to be the end, this has to be the time when the mob comes and puts Regina to justice... Well... no, they don't. 

They're angry for an episode but because... Henry wants Regina to live, everyone just lets her live. 

There's no trial, no execution, no banishment, no slap on the wrist, eventually they just let her go about her business in the town.

And believe me, that's not the first time these characters do something stupid in this season. 

But what's the goal of this season? Well this season kind of reminds me of the second season of Heroes. 

Its honestly just kind of a mess. 

The second seasons of both Once Upon a Time and Heroes followed a season that was very good. Once Upon a Time's first season was not nearly as good as Heroes but in comparison with the mess that is the second season, the first season has a coherent goal and for the most part comprehensive storyline. At the end, the heroes win, the bad guys lose, pretty straight forward. 

In the second season however, there is not a clear goal, the bad guys from the first season are still alive and are going through some kind of weird transition where the show continues to harp on the idea that they're just misunderstood, not evil. The new bad guys are boring as fuck, and many times, not revealed until well into the season. What happens while that bad guy is coming? Filler episodes... lots and lots of filler episodes. 

Its almost as if the writers were working off the cuff as they threw all the insignificant characters at you, distracting you from the fact that these episodes will really have no purpose in the end. Oooo look! Its Dr. Frankenstein! How is he important to the main story? He's not! Ooooo! The show cannot survive (for me) if they just bank on me playing these dumb games of guess who with Fairy Tales Characters. The same way Heroes couldn't survive with just throwing pointless characters at us and saying, "Oooo! Look, its a guy who can run really fast! Ooooo!"It just reminds me of the Family Guy episode where Quagmire is looking after the Griffin kids and he doesn't know how to entertain them so he just pulls out his keys and shakes them in front of Stewie who gives no reaction. Chris on the other hand does. 

Some people are easily distracted by the shit Once Upon a Time pulls out of its ass... I'm not. 

But again, what is the main purpose of the second season? Whats that main goal?

Well part of it is just the fact that magic has come to Storybrooke and how the character react to being in the modern world and having magic. Which can be interesting at times but that's not a way to make the show have a driving purpose. Another part of it is some of the people's desire to go back to their own land. When I say some, I mean some people want to stay in Storybrooke, some people want to go back to the Enchanted Forest. Its so inconsistent that I never felt like that was the driving force of the second season. 

And then there's Cora. 

Eventually, you kind of forget that Cora is the Queen of Hearts cause honestly, after the Mad Hatter disappears (probably because Sebastian Stan is doing more successful things with his life) you kind of forget about Wonderland. She's the mother of Regina and for the majority of the show, you're not quite sure why she's so evil. You figure out later that she wants to kill Mr. Gold (again, I don't want to type out his entire name) and take his power as the Dark One. 

Again, this plot really isn't revealed until the end of her time on the show, so when she's going around doing evil things, she's just evil. No explanation as to why, she's just evil. Now they try and throw in some humanity and rationale near the end... but it kind of falls flat and we totally forget that Cora was even in this season by the end of it. 

So again, I ask, what is the main purpose of the second season? 

I'll tell you what the purpose was. The second season of Once Upon A Time, was a filler season. First, Storywise, it was an opportunity to wrap up some stories that weren't finished in the first but don't have enough significance to make it to the third season (e.i. August/ Pinochio, Dr. Frankenstein/ Dr. Wail, Cora, etc) or the show didn't have the budget or appeal to keep them on (Sebastian Stan), secondly it was an opportunity to introduce characters that I'm sure will have more of a significance in the third season but in the end, they're basically in the same place they were when they started (Neal/Baefire, Hook (Oh I'll get to him), Owen and Tamara) and in the process pretended to develop the main characters when really they've really just been floating and getting convoluted in the process. And thirdly, it was to introduce really insignificant characters who end up getting sidelined and for me, forgotten about by the end of the season. (Mulan, Aurora, Phillip, etc)

Now for the characters that are just spinning their wheels until the third season. 

Once again, these two are the most bland and stale parts of the show. As stupidly as their relationship began in the first season, they actually try and make it go through some obstacles in this season, both physical and emotional. A lot of the same problems I had with them in the first season transfer over to the second season, minus the whole While You Were Sleeping Storyline which now just seems really dumb.

There's actually a point where they start questioning whether or not they will ever get a happily ever after because of all their problems horrible problems like stopping Cora from doing evil by killing her... and having disagreements on whether or not they should go back to the Enchanted Forest or not. Why they're having this disagreement, I'm not totally sure but it just seemed petty. But you know, they'll never have their happy ending! OH NO!

To that I say, bullshit, everything that has been causing them to not have a happy ending could have been avoided, you know... if they were intelligent and fixed their problems. Namely REGINA! 

And while we're on the topic, lets talk about Regina. 

So they keep Lana Parrilla on. I can't blame them, she's not the worst thing of the show. But what is she doing the majority of the season? Trying to get Henry back, doing this annoying balancing act of is she good? is she bad?

Its boring! Its redundant! Its just inconsistent all around!

Regina continues to be a really dumb character with no sense of reality in her mind. She wants to be good and yet she commits mass murder. She locks her Mother away in Wonderland but she joins her side after one conversation. She's been trying to kill Snow White this entire time but the minute she has the opportunity she doesn't do it. 

I liken this character to that of Sylar in Heroes. She's a decent enough villain when she's set on being the villain. But the writers really want to flush out the good side. By doing this, you undo everything they've done in the past, you undo a great storyline that set up her as evil in the first place, and you create an all around weak character. There's a difference between morally grey characters, and stupid characters, and Regina for the most part, is stupid!

And in case you're wondering how she's stupid, think about this. Its revealed in this season that the Queen couldn't kill Snow White in their world because they managed to create a protection spell. This spell made it so Regina could never hurt Snow White in their world. Well that points perfectly to the rationale for making the curse. Giving Regina a perfect world that she controls, and giving her an opportunity to kill Snow White... right?

But no, instead Regina lets her live on as a teacher... Sure she's not in her happy ending but why let her live? I thought that was what Regina wanted? Snow White dead?

But you know, consistency in character is for suckers!

Then let's talk about our main character Emma.

Okay, Emma is on the mystery. She knows who her family is, she's more invested, obviously she's going to get more interesting... right?

No... no she's still boring.

She's still just the blonde vehicle sorting through all the drama and bullshit these dumbass fairy tale characters are going through. Now in theory that sounds like a really fun comedy, a normal person sorting through the problems of a bunch of fairy tale characters who don't know what to do with themselves in the real world.

Instead, Emma is just along for the ride. Does it bother her that her new family wants to leave the world she grew up in, created a life in. Nope, she's planning on going with them... maybe. She tries to fool us by saying she doesn't trust anybody but we all know that's not true, she trusts her family, the good guys. The people she claims to not trust don't deserve to be trusted, Captain Hook, Neal, all of them don't deserve to be trusted. Emma is not jaded, she's smart. She's almost too put together in this show that there's no conflict, no drama for her. The biggest drama she faces is the fact that she lied to Henry about who his father is... and frankly, I don't care. Just because this blank blonde apparently cares about Henry doesn't mean I do.

I feel like in this season they really tried to make me like Henry... which was the wrong move. The show needs to make me feel for Emma more. Give her a more interesting backstory, make me like her more. That way it doesn't matter if I don't like Henry, if Emma cares about him, I'll be invested because Emma is invested. If she's boring, I'm going to be bored and I'm not going to like Henry any more than I already do, in fact, it kind of makes me hate him more.

One thing I will say about Emma is that they try and give her magic in this season. Interesting choice. Its just as confusing as magic is in Storybrooke the entire season, but interesting choice. Its obviously going to be settled more in the third season which makes this, again, a filler season, but again, Interesting Choice.

Now, if the show will develop the right characters, stop jingling the keys of new fairy tale characters in front of my face, and focus on the things its good at, then we actually have an enjoyable show here.

That is something I don't think I'd ever say. Especially from my complaints of the first season, I didn't think I'd ever want to watch the second season, much less any future seasons. But the truth is, there are a couple things this show does right.

1. Everything involving Rumplestiltskin!

Once again, Robert Carlyle continues to be the best thing that ever happened to Once Upon a Time. While he does a similar dance between, "is he a good guy? Is a bad guy?" that Regina does, he at least does it well and pretty consistant with his character the entire time.

Rumplestiltskin was never defined as the evil character. Sure, he was shady, eventually he's known as The Dark One, but until then he's just the deal maker, the wild card, playing both sides.

With Regina, she's known as THE EVIL QUEEN!!!

So when Rumplestiltskin plays jump rope with the line of good guy or bad guy, I can see it a little more, and it works because the more you know about this character, the more he actually becomes a character instead of a flamboyant scaled dude.

In this season, Mr. Gold is reunited with Belle (played again by Emile De Ravin), he must face his demons of being a coward and his dynamic of holding or giving up his power, his crutch of magic. There's some actually really good stories with Gold and almost everyone who is involved gets infected with this novel idea called good storytelling.

The best example of this contagious idea is that that of Neal Cassidy/ Baelfire.

Neal starts off as just the father of Henry and the guy who proved to Emma that "no one is to be trusted". Yada Yada Yada.

Its then revealed that he is Baelfire. Suddenly all the interesting things about Baelfire we knew in the first season, because obviously anything connected to Rumplestiltskin becomes good, his story suddenly becomes more interesting and by association, Emma becomes at least a little bit more complex.

His adventures with the Darling Family, his conflict of looking for a family, his struggles with his father, they all point to Rumplestiltskin rubbing off on this guy and making him an interesting character.

Neal may not be the greatest character in the show, but at least he seems real, at least I can relate to this character as opposed to Snow White and Prince Charming. This character has seen real problems, this character is interesting. And he makes Rumplestiltskin's character even more interesting because he's another force pulling Rumplestiltskin towards the good side. Its that balance of good and evil. Done freaking right.

Neal may not be the best character of the show, but at least he's got some heart to him and I actually feel the problems of this character. I don't feel like its being forced on me. I don't feel like I need to be force fed his tragic story like Snow White's, Charming, or Regina's because he actually has a tragic story.

And speaking of tragic stories and intriguing characters.

2. Captain Hook

Now its a little weird that Captain Hook looks like a Hollister model and not Dustin Hoffman.

No I think I get it, I'm not wild about the fact that Captain Hook is a handsome young man who is most definitely going to end up a romantic interest for someone... probably Emma, which will create a love triangle when they all realize that Neal isn't dead but hey... that's cool right?

No I'm not wild about the way Captain Hook looks, but the character is actually really interesting.

Once again, a character connected to Rumplestiltskin becomes one of the better parts of the show. Back in the day, Rumplestiltskin's wife was being kind of a whore and was palling around with pirates, especially Hook. (He had a name, and a hand back then but I don't know his actual name in this... also I don't care) They fall in love and she runs away with him. Years later, Rumplestiltskin becomes the Dark One, finds Hook, fucks. him. up. Then its revealed to him that the wife fell in love with Hook. To get revenge, Rumplestiltskin tears out his wife's heart, kills her in that cool way, then cuts off Hook's hand. And since Rumplestiltskin looks all scaly, suddenly he is the crocodile! Say wha!?!?!?!

So Hook is a rogue sure, he's a pirate. But he's not a 100% baddy. Throughout the season you kind of wonder if he could be a good guy. He's fueled by revenge and he'll work with anybody to get that revenge on Rumplestiltskin. Sure he kind of seems like he's being used for the majority of the season, but he seems smart enough and even got close to killing Rumplestiltskin.

I just would have liked to see more Hook throughout the entire season. He gets caught up every once in a while, and sometimes he just looks like a pretty boy and it kind of takes me out of it. But he was leagues better than a lot of the characters in the show.

ALSO!

What the show people should learn from this is that people like Hook because he's a complex character. They don't like Prince Charming because he's boring. Now I can't speak for the rest of the world, but I have to imagine that Hook has more of a fan following that Prince Charming. Charming is like white bread which is unfortunate because he seems to be the only one with guns in this show... now guns that are as a whole useless in every situation, but couldn't they give Hook a shoulder holster like that?

Yes, Colin O'Donoghue looks like he's in a boy band and yes, he's wearing eye liner. But overall, he was actually one of the more not just tolerable, but likable bits about the second season.

Does it make a lot of sense that at the end Hook just lets bygones be bygones and goes on this dangerous mission with Rumplestiltskin? No. I also didn't quite understand his whole dynamic with Baelfire near the end of the season, its like he wanted to be the boys father but he couldn't be and... I don't fucking know, by that point I kind of wanted the season to be over.

But overall, Hook was an intriguing part of the show. I liked him a little bit more than most characters who I usually just tolerate... so that's good.

3. Owen and Tamara

I know it will never happen, but these two will become my absolute favorite part of the show if they lead Henry to Neverland then sacrifice him to Peter Pan or whoever is the bad guy that is going to be revealed in the 3rd season.

At first, I wasn't quite sure I was going to like these two, especially Owen. I think it is interesting to bring in the idea that perhaps they're going down an interesting story there. What would happen if the rest of the world knew about magic and Storybrooke? But they just kind of milked it. And then had something to do with his father who Regina killed, why would you think that she didn't. I don't know, I was just getting bored with him just hanging around, I just wanted him to upload the videos to Youtube and get the hell out of dodge and greet the press.

But then Tamara comes in.

Eventually, near the end unfortunately, these two reveal themselves as part of an organization interested in seeking out and destroying magic in our world. They also seem interested in killing off magic everywhere it lurks. This actually got me very, very interested.

It mainly reminded me of the secret orders in shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel.

Honestly, I didn't watch enough of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to know that much about the Watchers, especially since I'm almost certain they delve a little bit more into that as the show goes on, but when Tamara and Owen were talking about a secret organization looking to root out magic, I was thinking it was a secret fundamentalist Watchers bent on destroying magic in the world.

I don't know if the comparison is really the greatest but it almost seemed Whedonish to me to have this secret order in our world who have dealt with this kind of shit before. Which opens up to more fairy tale characters crossing over that boundary before, maybe giving an origin to the curse, that sounds like an interesting part to elaborate on... instead of, I don't know, giants just so you can get a Hurly cameo into the show... I swear does he get work outside of the guys who made Lost?

I still don't know exactly who they are working for, unfortunately I don't think it has anything to do with a shady organization in our world... that would be too cool. But the mystery of them actually kind of got me interested. I want to know who is behind this and that's pretty cool that the show was able to do that.

Now are Owen and Tamara interesting characters themselves?

Eh... They're alright, I think its kind of interesting that the nice kid they brought in in that one episode came back, it wasn't incredibly necessary and I don't really know what it led to in the end... we knew Regina killed his dad. It wasn't said but what else would she do?

All in all, these two did bring some interesting elements to the show and they make me at least a little bit interested in watching the third season, at the very least to figure out what their deal is.

4. Miscellaneous 

This sounds really strange, but there's just a few things that I can't write a whole bit on, they're just parts of the show that I enjoyed. Things like Belle

Belle (played by Emilie de Ravin) is by no means as great of a characters as Rumplestiltskin, but as

far as women in this show goes, she's actually a lot smarter than most. Its mainly that contagious good storytelling that being involved with Rumplestiltskin continues to shed off in this show.

Emilie de Ravin did a good job in Lost and she does a good job in this show. Any gripes I have with her characters are not her fault, they're more how the show is written. They kind of sideline Belle half way through the show giving her amnesia... so... that happens. But she actually brings a fun element to the show and she's one of the few things I'd be happy to go back to the show to watch in the third season. Not incredible, just entertaining enough to keep me interested.

Another part that was kind of interested was the characters making a trip to New York. It wasn't the most exciting trip in the world, but it was an interesting direction to take the show. Rumplestiltskin making a spell on his shall that allows him to pass through into our world, very interesting.

This would have been even more awesome if they were hunted by a secret organization out of a Joss Whedon TV show... but I digress.

I was told that the third season is where it really gets good... now, I think that's what I also heard about the second season so I'm a little bit skeptical to listen to that. But at the end of this season, they were headed to Neverland, which happens to be the setting of one my favorite "fairy tales". I really like the story of Peter Pan, so if they butcher this... I'm going to be kind of mad, to rescue Henry... why they care about Henry... I'm not quite sure.

I really hate this kid

So where can they go that would make this show better? 

Honestly, what this season needed was was the stakes to be raised, instead of just tying up loose ends, characters needed to have shit happen to them. Perhaps things needed to get darker, especially when they thought it was going to get brighter. Perhaps people needed to die. And when I say kill people off, I don't mean kill of the guest star, don't kill of someone we met for the first time in that episode, kill off a main character.

I can think of a couple people that could die

Hear me out here. I've kind of come to the acceptance that there's a good possibility that Henry is not going to die. For one reason or another, he happens to be important and I think they have a plan for him. Also he's a kid, I don't think ABC is going to allow a kid to die on their family network.

But think about this, what if Snow White or Prince Charming died? I think it should have happened in the first episode of the second season. Think about it, they get their happy ending, they're about to live happily ever after, and then suddenly Regina wins. Snow White is killed. And I'm not talking about she eats the apple and "dies" but is brought back, no she just dies. Despite being a boring as hell character, her death would shake a lot of things up. How would Emma respond? What would Prince Charming do? Would that set him over? Would he suddenly not be the innocently good boring character he's always been? 

Or maybe you kill off Prince Charming? Same outcome, Happily Ever After doesn't come after all? Is Snow White still a good person? Is evil just a tipping of the scales away for Snow White. This actually makes her a character, this actually makes her morality crisis a thing. Instead of trying to make Snow White a badass by just giving her a bow and arrow (which she looks stupid with anyway) make her have an actual moral dilemma. Instead of killing Cora because she had the dagger and nothing else was going to stop her, have Snow White kill Cora out of revenge for Cora killing Prince Charming. That would make her regret driven isolation make a lot more sense and suddenly Snow White becomes a much more interesting character.

And what about Regina? What if she was the one who killed Prince Charming or Snow White? What would that mean for her? Yes she gets what she wants, but Henry now hates her. Instead of the petty reasons Henry didn't like Regina in the first season, he actually hates her for what he's done. What would Regina do? That is some legitimate conflict... instead of Henry getting mad at her just because she uses magic... little shit.

But I know a character dying doesn't make a show good. What it does is create conflict and put characters in new conflicts, this way they can grow and develop properly and become more interesting and make me want to watch them more.

But that's only if they're written well and they're not stupid. And that's one of the biggest problems with this show, the characters just aren't that smart. 

There's a horrible episode where Cora and Regina are looking for the dagger that gives Rumplestiltskin his power. Luckily, our heroes, Snow and Charming beat them to it and get the dagger. Just as they do, Cora and Regina show up and they want the dagger. Now Cora has proven to be nothing but an incredibly evil woman who cannot be reasoned with, and along with her is the EVIL Queen. These are the last people you want to give the dagger to. And on the other end you have the heroes, the ones who have everything to lose, the ones who will fight tooth and nail to see that good always triumphs over evil. You otta bet there is no chance in hell Regina and Cora are getting that dagger... until they whip out the servant woman that was just introduced in this episode. Cora says if they don't give her the dagger, they'll kill this random woman we just met. But of course Snow and Charming know that Cora getting the dagger would mean unlimited destruction and if you give the dagger, what's to stop her from killing the random woman after she gets it? Well screw all that logic, they give Cora the dagger and what do you know, they throw whatsherface out the window. 

I mean I could talk about how Josh Dallas looks like he's bored out of his mind and Ginnifer Goodwin is just a shitty actresss but I think the reason I don't care about this random woman getting tossed out a window is because not only do I not believe that Charming or Snow White really cared about her, her circumstances of death and the decisions that went along with her dying were just stupid. Furthermore, I met this character in that episode. She maybe had 5-10 minutes of screen time, why should I care if she gets thrown out a window?

I know I'm really nit picking this one bit in a random episode, but it kind of puts all the problems I have with Once Upon a Time in one little scene.

The show clearly doesn't need to be more gritty or dark to be successful, but when they try and create emotional moments like a character dying, its hard to care because many times its a combination of us not caring for any of the parties involved, the acting is not done very well so that we still don't care, the actions leading up to this event are kind of stupid and make us think it was going to happen either way, and in the end it just seems lazy.

There's a lot to say, especially since I did watch an entire season. Doing reviews of shows as a whole is tough, and individual seasons are tough. Am I basing it on the stories I saw in the season? Am I basing on my overall enjoyment? Its a little bit confusing.

A lot of this was rants on individual things. Again, I find myself in a weird dynamic of not 100% liking this show, the majority of the time just yelling at the screen when they do stupid things... and yet I continue to watch it? It has to do with some characters being actually at least a little well done. I'm really wondering what I'm going to be watching in the next few days, whether it be Fringe, or Once Upon a Time... but most likely it will just be Doctor Who so I don't think you need to worry too much.

That's my review/rant on Season 2 of Once Upon a Time. Hopefully it gave you at least a little bit of understanding of the good and bad parts of the show. What do you think? Have you watched Once Upon a Time? Again, I really want to hear someone defend this show, I'm all ears. Comment and Discuss on here, or Follow me and shoot me up a Tweet @cmhaugen24

I'll leave you with this. Since they're going to Neverland, the only thing I could think of was to put the trailer for the upcoming movie Pan. In case you didn't know, I did a review of this and the Jurassic World trailer a while back, here's that review. Otherwise, here's the trailer. Enjoy!